25. It starts with you valuing yourself

Uncategorized Jun 04, 2020

Do you ever look around and notice everyone else seems to radiate success while you can't make it through a day unscathed? 

Many of us are haunted by a feeling that we are no good. It's influenced by a sense of low self worth. We are wrong though. Too many of those appearing confident on the outside are beset with doubts and fears just like you. They age and look older than they feel just like you and probably have a hard time putting themselves first too.

So why do so many of us have such little self regard - a belief that is suggested to cause more misery than all others combined? 

Because we value our achievement more than ourselves. Our reasoning goes something like this: there can't be much to my success if I achieved it. This leaves us open to crippling self doubts if we don't nip this thinking in the butt. 

To do so think about what you value about yourself that does not depend on your achievements. Are you an awesome friend or spouse? Do you have a discipline you're particularly proud of? What are you good at that matters to no one but you? 

There's a thing Carl Rogers called unconditional positive regard. Its best illustrated in the love between parent and child. The kid may do some nasty stuff that causes the parent to despise them, and vice versa, but the love remains. No matter what condition arises the regard for one another is strong because of the family tie. We should have this same relationship with our selves.

Regardless of what we do, whether we label it 'good' or 'bad' our value is unaffected. It pays to hold onto this unconditional positive regard towards ourselves and it is not selfish or egotistical to do so. Quite the opposite actually, it provides the foundation for mental fitness where we can give to others. 


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